If you give people a chance, they shine.
BILLY CONNOLLYSo, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
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Don’t work out, work in.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
BILLY CONNOLLY