I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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The more you know the less the better.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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