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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

Billy Connolly

There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Dear Different Element Venue
I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Huge Love Simply Thinking You
If you give people a chance, they shine.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Giving People Shining
Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Football Someone Team
I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Angel Atheist Believe God People
My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Advice Buckets Kitchen Utensils
I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Angel Believe Marijuana Suppose Wings
I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Britain Europe Thinking
I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Becoming Engineer Joined Knowing Queues
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Seasons Travel Winter
I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Between People Body Country Crosses Malfunction
I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Citizens People Represented Thinking
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Funny Humorous Witty
I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Offended Target The Aim
Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
BILLY CONNOLLY

Chocolate Fall Pocket
Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Bit Fun Jobs Laugh Occupation

I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

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Popular Authors

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