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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Billy Connolly

The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Needs People Round Swings Thinking
There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Anything Comment Figure Matrimony
I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Firsts Guy Minute Movie Stars
There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
BILLY CONNOLLY

People Records Thinking Years
If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Buckets Lose Utensils Weight
People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Around Dies Normal People
For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Animal Desire Winning
A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
BILLY CONNOLLY

Brother Funny Girlfriend Mine
Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Children Nice Wife
I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arms Loathed People Singing Single
I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Becoming Engineer Joined Knowing Queues
I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Catholic Guilt Levels
When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Look People Place
I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Childlike Growing Mean Thinking
I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Dog Doors Independent Stuff
Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Objects Running Scissors

Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

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Popular Authors

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