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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Billy Connolly

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Comedy Euthanasia Fame
So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Sexy
didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
BILLY CONNOLLY

Club Magazines Number People Radio Station
I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Clothing Hate Rain Sexy
I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
BILLY CONNOLLY

Consciously Home Intention Numbers People
Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arches Audience People
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Jesus
I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Desert Drawing Islands Middle Page
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
BILLY CONNOLLY

Baby Delivery Funny Humor Paddy Probably
A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Balanced Drink Hands Wells
I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Becoming Engineer Joined Knowing Queues
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Kilts Looks Mcdonalds Quater
There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Auditorium Fine Line Offened Tread
It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Christianity Different Religion Thing
Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Answers Guy Mountain
Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
BILLY CONNOLLY

Fire Forests Tree

Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

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Popular Authors

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