The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
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