black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.

Billy Connolly

When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Accident Alright Funny Humor Thanks
I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Firsts Guy Minute Movie Stars
I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Angel Believe Marijuana Suppose Wings
Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Anthem Boring Country Funny Humor
I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
BILLY CONNOLLY

About Always Children Comedy Country
I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Friendship Glasgow Hands Suits
I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arms Loathed People Singing Single
Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
BILLY CONNOLLY

International Language Music Sorry Swear
If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Havens Heard Rumours
Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
BILLY CONNOLLY

Balls Enough Father Shout
People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Needs People Toilet
I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Between People Body Country Crosses Malfunction
People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Channel People Rooms Search
When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Air School
I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Art Doodle People Speak Two
Don’t work out, work in.
BILLY CONNOLLY

never Out Work

Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Billy Connolly Quotes