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Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

Bill Watterson

Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart – almost as good and a lot cheaper!
BILL WATTERSON

Assembly Baby Cheaper Dad Light Sears
Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
BILL WATTERSON

Demand Ecstasy Enough
I’ll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big.
BILL WATTERSON

Autopsy Bigs Mouths People
I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.
BILL WATTERSON

Liked Thing Understand
And it will be even more exciting if anyone pays for them. It’s hard to charge admission without a gate.
BILL WATTERSON

Admission Anyone Exciting Gate More
One of the jokes I really like is that the fantasies are drawn more realistically than reality, since that says a lot about what’s going on in Calvin’s head.
BILL WATTERSON

Fantasies Head Realistically Since
Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.
BILL WATTERSON

Disappointment Friendship Harder Swearing
Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement.
BILL WATTERSON

Creating Good Life Thinking
Does anything we say or do in here really matter? Have we done anything important? Have we been happy? Have we made the most of these precious few footsteps?
BILL WATTERSON

Footstep Important Made Matter Precious
Buttons … check. Dials … check. Switches … check. Little colored lights … check.
BILL WATTERSON

Buttons Funny Light
When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.
BILL WATTERSON

Bird Bugs Taste
We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.
BILL WATTERSON

Allow Current History Need Prejudices Versions
Calvin: Why are you crying mom? Mom: I’m cutting up an onion. Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.
BILL WATTERSON

Cutting Mom Vegetables
Now if a joke is in bad taste or it’s not funny, okay, that’s awhole different thing, but how you craft a joke is really what the writer’s job is, and I don’t think that technique should be subject to any editorial constraints.
BILL WATTERSON

Craft Different Editorial Joke Taste Technique
If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.
BILL WATTERSON

Reason Volume Winning
As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever.
BILL WATTERSON

Congratulations Forever Long

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

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Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

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