Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart – almost as good and a lot cheaper!
BILL WATTERSONNothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.
More Bill Watterson Quotes
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Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
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I’ll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big.
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I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.
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And it will be even more exciting if anyone pays for them. It’s hard to charge admission without a gate.
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One of the jokes I really like is that the fantasies are drawn more realistically than reality, since that says a lot about what’s going on in Calvin’s head.
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Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.
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Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement.
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Does anything we say or do in here really matter? Have we done anything important? Have we been happy? Have we made the most of these precious few footsteps?
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Buttons … check. Dials … check. Switches … check. Little colored lights … check.
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When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.
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We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.
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Calvin: Why are you crying mom? Mom: I’m cutting up an onion. Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.
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Now if a joke is in bad taste or it’s not funny, okay, that’s awhole different thing, but how you craft a joke is really what the writer’s job is, and I don’t think that technique should be subject to any editorial constraints.
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If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.
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As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever.
BILL WATTERSON