There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
BILL MAHERThere’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
BILL MAHERA new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
BILL MAHERCan we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
BILL MAHERPeople have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
BILL MAHERYou can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
BILL MAHERLet’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
BILL MAHERThings aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
BILL MAHERI don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
BILL MAHERReligion is insanity by consensus.
BILL MAHERIt’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
BILL MAHERI’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
BILL MAHERLet’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
BILL MAHEROur mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
BILL MAHERIf you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
BILL MAHERIs it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
BILL MAHERJust honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
BILL MAHER