When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
BILL MAHERIn an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
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Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
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Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
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We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
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I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
BILL MAHER