The Drug War is an addiction, really.
BILL MAHERDuring the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
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It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
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I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
BILL MAHER