Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
BILL MAHERCurious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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False hope really makes you cynical.
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
BILL MAHER -
You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
BILL MAHER -
Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
BILL MAHER -
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
BILL MAHER -
If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
BILL MAHER -
Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
BILL MAHER -
What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
BILL MAHER