I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
BILL MAHERLet’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
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False hope really makes you cynical.
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I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
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Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
BILL MAHER