Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHERLet’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
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I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
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To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
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If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
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It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
BILL MAHER