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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.

Bill Maher

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
BILL MAHER

Bible Constitution People Problem
During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER

Book Coffee Company Depression Fight History People Reading Time Tough
At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
BILL MAHER

Institution Mental Move Point Time
What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
BILL MAHER

Believe Love Myself Politics Stupidity
Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHER

Big Ideas Myself Woman
Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
BILL MAHER

Death Myself Possession Power Promise
The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
BILL MAHER

Animal Dog Home Love Myself Reason World
Denying racism is the new racism.
BILL MAHER

New Race Trend
I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
BILL MAHER

Myself Religious
If you believe that the world is going to come to an end – and perhaps any day now – does it not drain one’s motivation to improve life on earth while we’re here?
BILL MAHER

Believe Day Earth End Motivational Oneself World
The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
BILL MAHER

Certain Ideas People Problem
In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
BILL MAHER

Constituency Crazy Politics
If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER

Book History Reading Thinking Tough Yourself
Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
BILL MAHER

Admire Critical Faith Purpose Suspense Thinking
The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
BILL MAHER

Angry Generation Machine Question Young
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
BILL MAHER

Bank Funny Gun Weapon Yourself

Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.

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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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