black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.

Bill Maher

We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
BILL MAHER

Fun Joke Religion
The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
BILL MAHER

Food Home President Teaching Time Visit White Yourself
There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
BILL MAHER

Debate Right Science Subject Vote
Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
BILL MAHER

Break Home Right Shoot Trade Yourself
If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
BILL MAHER

Against Gay Sexuality Yourself
I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
BILL MAHER

Dangerous Ideas Sin Yourself
The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
BILL MAHER

Act Myself Pretend Sexuality Understand
I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
BILL MAHER

Myself Religion Respect Thinking
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
BILL MAHER

Change Disease Sin
I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
BILL MAHER

Children Expectation Feel Mistake Rocket Terrible Yourself
You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHER

Himself Missing Money Negotiation Yourself
The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
BILL MAHER

Addiction Amendment Design Issues Myself Politics Specific
I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.
BILL MAHER

Myself Political Sensitive Truth
Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
BILL MAHER

Hot Man Reading Stop Thinking Woman World
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
BILL MAHER

Bank Funny Gun Weapon Yourself
If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
BILL MAHER

Enterprise Religious Rich Sales Start Yourself

I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Maher Quotes