Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHERThe answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
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It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
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In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
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Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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False hope really makes you cynical.
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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
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Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
BILL MAHER