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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.

Bill Maher

You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
BILL MAHER

Difference People Prayer Religious Warm Yourself
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
BILL MAHER

Original Social Media Time
I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
BILL MAHER

Communalism Compare Human Hypocrisy Marriage Nature
Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
BILL MAHER

Answer Dumb Question Time Wrong
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
BILL MAHER

Conform Country Need People Talk
Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
BILL MAHER

Death Myself Possession Power Promise
During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER

Book Coffee Company Depression Fight History People Reading Time Tough
Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHER

Call Celebration Fake Fools Ourselves People
Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
BILL MAHER

Call Eat Fries Government Home Listening Trust Way
If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
BILL MAHER

Conservative Human Money Myself Profit Universal
I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
BILL MAHER

Myself Religious
Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
BILL MAHER

God Man Quit Suicide Way Yourself
In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
BILL MAHER

Bad Connection Ideas Justify Kind Religious Tolerance Yourself
Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
BILL MAHER

Children Law Message People Right Straight
Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
BILL MAHER

Better Care People
Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
BILL MAHER

Big Ego Face Himself Problem Worship

When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.

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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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