Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHERWhen you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
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False hope really makes you cynical.
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
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The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
BILL MAHER