Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
BILL HICKSI’ve learned a lot about women. I think I’ve learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we’ll never age.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.
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BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
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All day long you see those commercials: ‘Here’s Your Brain, Just Say No’…and the next commercial is: ‘This Bud’s For You.’
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I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say ‘Yeah? When?’
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You’re not a human till you’re in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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Truly, the only stupid people I’ve ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.
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I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that’s interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy.
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Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.
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I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.
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Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let’s put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
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I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
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I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.
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How are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we’re all one?
BILL HICKS