So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
BILL BAILEYAmerican rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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This shed does not contain me.
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
BILL BAILEY







