If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
BILL BAILEYI tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
BILL BAILEY