I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
BILL BAILEYI tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
BILL BAILEY