Contentment is knowing you’re right
BILL BAILEYToughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
BILL BAILEY