People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEYToughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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This shed does not contain me.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
BILL BAILEY







