It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
BILL BAILEYToughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right
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You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
BILL BAILEY