If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
BILL BAILEYDo not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
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The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right
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Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
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Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
BILL BAILEY