I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
BILL BAILEYThree blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
BILL BAILEY