I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
BILL BAILEYWhat I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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