I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
BILL BAILEYMarijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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This shed does not contain me.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
BILL BAILEY