It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
BILL BAILEYWork hard, save and live within your means.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
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This shed does not contain me.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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