How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
BILL BAILEYWork hard, save and live within your means.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”
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This shed does not contain me.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
BILL BAILEY