The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEYI’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEY