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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

Bill Bailey

It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Life Outlook
I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
BILL BAILEY

Bonus College Fun Paid Suddenly Teaching
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Vegetarianism
Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEY

Confused Harmless Limp Thing Wole
It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
BILL BAILEY

Animal Funny Humor Still Trained
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoying Life Moving Strength
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
BILL BAILEY

College Jobs Thinking Time Whole
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEY

Funny God Humor Thank
The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
BILL BAILEY

Biscuits Fire Funny Humor Spontaneous
There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
BILL BAILEY

Couple Funny Hold Humor Position
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Milk Mother
I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Meat
But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
BILL BAILEY

Country Funny Humor Shootest
Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
BILL BAILEY

Fighting Funny Humor Message Pineapple Stupid
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Natural Swan
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
BILL BAILEY

Dollars Funny Humor Work

Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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