I exercise hard and the reason I do is so that I can earn the things I like to consume.
BEN ELTONSympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.
More Ben Elton Quotes
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You’re mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund
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I find the fact that billionaires are quoted as if the fact that they are billionaires gives them some kind of wisdom is outrageous.
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You think I look like a teletubby?
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No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi.
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If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven.
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For the past seventeen years I have been experimenting with lager. I am a lager user and one drug leads to another. If you do lager, as night follows day, you’ll end up doing Kentucky Fried Chicken.
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The Germans are a cruel race. Their operas last for six hours and they have no word for fluffy.
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The earth only has so much bounty to offer and inventing ever larger and more notional prices for that bounty does not change its real value.
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Kingsley watched her disappear from the room, wondering if his heart would break. Logic informed him that of course it would not. The heart was no more than a muscle, a pump which distributed blood about the body.
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I did not vote Labour because they’ve heard of Oasis and nobody is going to vote Tory because William Hague has got a baseball cap.
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I don’t consider myself Jewish. I am half-Jewish by race but not through my mother.
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Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.
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The appropriation of radical thinking by lazy, self-obsessed hippies is a public relations disaster that could cost the earth.
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I resent the creation of a world in which beauty is a reminder of what we’re losing rather than a celebration of what we have.
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There are lots of things I could have done for the money, but I’ve made a great living doing the things I want to do.
BEN ELTON