For the past seventeen years I have been experimenting with lager. I am a lager user and one drug leads to another. If you do lager, as night follows day, you’ll end up doing Kentucky Fried Chicken.
BEN ELTONI think trying to be cool is the worst possible ambition – and I have never suffered from it.
More Ben Elton Quotes
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I’m lucky because the strongest emotion I have ever felt is being in love, and that definitely informs my writing.
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We’ve all got to look at ourselves, start with yourself, that’s all you can do. I believe that we can act responsibly as a group, it’s just that there are vested interests telling us not to bother.
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The worst thing about being a great power is when you’re not one any more. It takes centuries to get over it.
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Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.
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You think I look like a teletubby?
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My advice to anyone adapting a novel is that once they’ve read it and learnt to understand it, then they must throw it away and never look at it again!
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I find the fact that billionaires are quoted as if the fact that they are billionaires gives them some kind of wisdom is outrageous.
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Comedy will always be central to what I do, it’s just an instinct for me, but I am a writer and always have been.
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And of course to hunt down sedition. Only paper is safe. Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar, you have to hold it, you have to read it.
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I don’t consider myself Jewish. I am half-Jewish by race but not through my mother.
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Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar. You have to hold it, you have to read it.
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The appropriation of radical thinking by lazy, self-obsessed hippies is a public relations disaster that could cost the earth.
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I think it is very difficult to legislate for morality.
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I loved writing ‘Two Brothers’ more than anything else I have written. It’s the first book I’ve written that I’ve always known I wanted to write. Having said that, it also kept me awake at nights.
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You’re mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund
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Kingsley watched her disappear from the room, wondering if his heart would break. Logic informed him that of course it would not. The heart was no more than a muscle, a pump which distributed blood about the body.
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And roast beef and Yorkshire pudding is my personal signature dish.
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If I did things for the money, I’d have done adverts in the 1980s, when I was hot enough to be offered them, and ‘Police Academy 6,’ which I was asked to write.
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I see dull people as projects … to be reformed
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I did not vote Labour because they’ve heard of Oasis and nobody is going to vote Tory because William Hague has got a baseball cap.
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My parents were secular. I am an atheist.
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Beyond love, beyond unrequited love, perhaps even beyond any other passion known to humanity, deep, deep in the depths of the turgid, clinging, swamplike pit of despair that lies dormant within every soul, lurks JEALOUSY.
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You didn’t wake up, your dreams just changed gear.
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Leaders should never, ever try to look cool – that’s for dictators
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I exercise hard and the reason I do is so that I can earn the things I like to consume.
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People who get through life dependent on other people’s possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count.
BEN ELTON