I try hard not to preach, but I get carried away, which is a mistake, but it’s a risk worth running.
BEN ELTONThe Germans are a cruel race. Their operas last for six hours and they have no word for fluffy.
More Ben Elton Quotes
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The earth only has so much bounty to offer and inventing ever larger and more notional prices for that bounty does not change its real value.
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Beyond love, beyond unrequited love, perhaps even beyond any other passion known to humanity, deep, deep in the depths of the turgid, clinging, swamplike pit of despair that lies dormant within every soul, lurks JEALOUSY.
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I resent the creation of a world in which beauty is a reminder of what we’re losing rather than a celebration of what we have.
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I don’t know what people who I’ve never met think about me. Some have written horrible things, some have written nice things – but I’m proud of the fact I’ve remained close to everyone I’ve ever worked with.
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The Germans are a cruel race. Their operas last for six hours and they have no word for fluffy.
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Artists don’t create society, they reflect it
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I don’t consider myself Jewish. I am half-Jewish by race but not through my mother.
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Kingsley watched her disappear from the room, wondering if his heart would break. Logic informed him that of course it would not. The heart was no more than a muscle, a pump which distributed blood about the body.
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Yes, OK, farty is a silly word. I wish I’d never used it. I’m 34. Perhaps it was a word for my 20s.
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My advice to anyone adapting a novel is that once they’ve read it and learnt to understand it, then they must throw it away and never look at it again!
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I find the fact that billionaires are quoted as if the fact that they are billionaires gives them some kind of wisdom is outrageous.
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If I did things for the money, I’d have done adverts in the 1980s, when I was hot enough to be offered them, and ‘Police Academy 6,’ which I was asked to write.
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Leaders should never, ever try to look cool – that’s for dictators
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This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.
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And of course to hunt down sedition. Only paper is safe. Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar, you have to hold it, you have to read it.
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I think it is very difficult to legislate for morality.
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For the past seventeen years I have been experimenting with lager. I am a lager user and one drug leads to another. If you do lager, as night follows day, you’ll end up doing Kentucky Fried Chicken.
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My parents were secular. I am an atheist.
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The worst thing about being a great power is when you’re not one any more. It takes centuries to get over it.
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I did not vote Labour because they’ve heard of Oasis and nobody is going to vote Tory because William Hague has got a baseball cap.
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I exercise hard and the reason I do is so that I can earn the things I like to consume.
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You think I look like a teletubby?
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Comedy will always be central to what I do, it’s just an instinct for me, but I am a writer and always have been.
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If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven.
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We’ve all got to look at ourselves, start with yourself, that’s all you can do. I believe that we can act responsibly as a group, it’s just that there are vested interests telling us not to bother.
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And roast beef and Yorkshire pudding is my personal signature dish.
BEN ELTON