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Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

Andy Rooney

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.
ANDY ROONEY

Avoid Book Cook Learning
I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
ANDY ROONEY

Business Computer Myself Writing
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
ANDY ROONEY

Acceptance Believe Fact General People Truth
Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.
ANDY ROONEY

Easy Reading Sentence Suspicious Writing
No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
ANDY ROONEY

Bad Book Guy Oneself Writing
I’ve learned, That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
ANDY ROONEY

Eat Learning Myself Word
I’ve learned, That when you’re in love, it shows.
ANDY ROONEY

Learning Love Show Yourself
I’ve learned, That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.
ANDY ROONEY

Born Fingers Hold Life Yourself
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
ANDY ROONEY

Chance Probability Time Wrong Yourself
I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
ANDY ROONEY

Custom Direction Evidence Institution Monument Myself Myth Social
You can’t be a good writer without being a good thinker.
ANDY ROONEY

Goodness Poet Thinking Writer Yourself
I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
ANDY ROONEY

Hands Heart Learning Person Time Understand
Don’t you hate it when, your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
ANDY ROONEY

Hate Last Luggage Oneself Yourself
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
ANDY ROONEY

Death Distant One Liner Young
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
ANDY ROONEY

Age Fresh Myself Wait
The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.
ANDY ROONEY

Expensive Goodness Rule Small Yourself

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

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Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

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