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If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

Andy Rooney

I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.
ANDY ROONEY

Luck Old Purpose Yourself
When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
ANDY ROONEY

Basic Education Life Myself Need
Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than others
ANDY ROONEY

Age Experience Level
Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.
ANDY ROONEY

Easy Reading Sentence Suspicious Writing
The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.
ANDY ROONEY

Expensive Goodness Rule Small Yourself
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
ANDY ROONEY

Boss Need People Work
In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.
ANDY ROONEY

Book Difficult Live Surround
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
ANDY ROONEY

Happiness Life Strike Yourself
The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
ANDY ROONEY

Class Person Room World
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
ANDY ROONEY

Death Distant One Liner Young
The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
ANDY ROONEY

Big Bookstore Diet Eat Yourself
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
ANDY ROONEY

Goodness News Print
Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know where the time goes.” It goes the same place it’s always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
ANDY ROONEY

Place Time Unknown
Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion – as long as it agrees with ours.
ANDY ROONEY

Agreement Believe Opinion Ourselves Right
I’ve learned, That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.
ANDY ROONEY

Born Fingers Hold Life Yourself
Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
ANDY ROONEY

Goodness Ideas Ourselves Prison Religious

If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

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If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

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