Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
AMBROSE BIERCELaughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
AMBROSE BIERCEYear: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
AMBROSE BIERCEAccordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
AMBROSE BIERCEWhat is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
AMBROSE BIERCEWar is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
AMBROSE BIERCEScriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
AMBROSE BIERCEARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
AMBROSE BIERCEIn our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
AMBROSE BIERCEA person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
AMBROSE BIERCEMYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
AMBROSE BIERCEAborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
AMBROSE BIERCEDon’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
AMBROSE BIERCEBrain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
AMBROSE BIERCEI think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
AMBROSE BIERCECoward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCECorporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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