Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
AMBROSE BIERCEConversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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