Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
AMBROSE BIERCEPrescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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