Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCEMausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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