April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
AMBROSE BIERCEThe only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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