Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
AMBROSE BIERCEReligion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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