LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
AMBROSE BIERCERUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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