You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCEThe hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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