“Progressives, in a way, are the new conservatives. We want to conserve what we fought to build.”

creates jobs all over the world, and makes life easier for millions of Americans.

And when you hit him, he runs to the teacher and says, ‘Teacher, sue him.’

Minnesotans lost their jobs because the credit rating agencies didn’t do the only job they’re supposed to have.

And the agencies concluded that the Russians had a clear preference for President Trump.

Part of the middle class promise is that, after a lifetime of hard work, you’ll be able to retire and enjoy the fruits of that labor.

I’m a perfectionist and if I start making changes, I’ll never stop.

Whining is anger through a small opening.

The guy who ran it at first misled pretty much everybody about how much capital we had.

Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spectrum.

Bill Clinton is the greatest president of the 20th century because I played touch football with him.

My dad was a terrible businessman.

If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.

Well, I think that there’s a value to comedy in and of itself.

I don’t know what happens to you after you die. I’m not banking on there being, like, a heaven.

I know that it’s probably not a good idea for a comedian, especially a satirist, to support a public policy group or a politician.

Terrorism, to me, is the use of terror for political purpose.