When I get old and slow down I want to look behind me and see all the fire and the wreckage and no stone left unturned.
AISHA TYLERI like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they’re already dead and they can’t feel it. They don’t have feelings.
More Aisha Tyler Quotes
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Marriage is a mystery and part of it is just being kind to each other, not being selfish.
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I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
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Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.
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I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone’s afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.
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I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I’d still have plenty of other things to do.
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I’m black, and black don’t crack. It does droop.
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If you haven’t noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome.
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I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.
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If you ever needed to ruin someone’s fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.
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Real sacrifice. Real disappointment. Real failure. And it requires the ability to scrape your sorry ass up off the floor, stumble to your feet.
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I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.
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It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon.
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TV always wants more people to be watching.
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I actually wanted to be an attorney. I did do things on the side like improv and sketch comedy, but law was my focus. I was a very bookish, academic kid. When I got out of college,
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I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn’t performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.
AISHA TYLER






