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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.

Adam Carolla

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA

Better Emotional Guy Mechanical Stuff Women
You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
ADAM CAROLLA

Afford Between Bunch Choice Dropped Last Loser Unenviable
I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
ADAM CAROLLA

Behind Feeling Feelings Joke Sort Stand Trying
Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
ADAM CAROLLA

Christmas Country Dad Every Imagine Seeing Three Year
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
ADAM CAROLLA

Amount Art Get Joke Naked People Probably Reality Standing Telling Thinking
If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
ADAM CAROLLA

Beer Bottle Butterfly Chased Idea Sell Water
When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
ADAM CAROLLA

Base Funny Include Kind King Revise Sex Sexual Sexy
I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
ADAM CAROLLA

Biggest Coffee Soccer Soft Thinking Whatever World
It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
ADAM CAROLLA

Acclimate Anything Funny Kid
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Daughter Dude Fire Funny Mother Reason
The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
ADAM CAROLLA

Adage Believe Grossly Overrated Yourself
When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
ADAM CAROLLA

Arrival Funny Humor Smell Trumpet
All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
ADAM CAROLLA

All Funny Humor Middle Nothing Really Want
I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Attempted Comedy Good Stand Up Very
I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
ADAM CAROLLA

Fake Funny Humor None Orgasm Two Type Women
I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ambivalent Camera Cat Enough People Semi

I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.

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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.

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