Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLAI would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
ADAM CAROLLA