I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLAThe truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
ADAM CAROLLA