My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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I get depressed at airports.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
ADAM CAROLLA






