As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
ADAM CAROLLA






