Don’t do your best, do my best.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
ADAM CAROLLA