I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
ADAM CAROLLA