I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
ADAM CAROLLA