The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDSIt is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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I drink therefore I am.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS






