“It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.”

Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

I never eat before breakfast.

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

Excellence isn’t an act, it’s a habit.

Set out to do three or four things this year with gusto and excellence, rather than doing a dozen things just sufficiently. Trust me on this.

Just keep taking the next step and keep having excellence in the ordinary.

All of the top achievers I know are life-long learners. Looking for new skills, insights, and ideas. If they’re not learning, they’re not growing and not moving toward excellence.

Be an evangelist with your excellence.

Love abounds in all things, excels from the depths to beyond the stars, is lovingly disposed to all things. She has given the king on high the kiss of peace.

Leadership is no longer about your position. It’s now more about your passion for excellence and making a difference You can lead without a title

There is an excellent correlation between giving society what it wants and making money, and almost no correlation between the desire to make money and how much money one makes.