A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDSIt is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS