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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

W. C. Fields

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

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