Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDSYes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS






