black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.

W. C. Fields

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine

Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.

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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.

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