black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

W. C. Fields

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes