A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDSMy illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS