“Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.”

Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It’s called fun.

When I was growing up they used to say, “Robin, drugs can kill you.” Now that I’m 58 my doctor’s telling me, “Robin, you need drugs to live.” I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer.

My battles with addiction definitely shaped how I am now. They really made me deeply appreciate human contact. And the value of friends and family, how precious that is.

To live would be an awfully big adventure.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

There’s a time for daring and there’s a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.

We used to be hunter-gatherers, now we’re shopper-borrowers.

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

To be free. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world.

Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

A good fragrance should have a certain personality that makes people identify the scent with you.

Every faction conditions its members to think and act a certain way. And most people do it. For most people, it’s not hard to learn, to find a pattern of thought that works and stay that way. But our minds move in a dozen different directions.

Every existence above a certain rank has its singular points; the higher the rank the more of them. At these points, influences whose physical magnitude is too small to be taken account of by a finite being may produce results of the greatest importance.

Thirty centuries of history allow us to look with supreme pity on certain doctrines which are preached beyond the Alps by the descendants of those who were illiterate when Rome had Caesar, Virgil, and Augustus.

When you decide to follow a certain path, you should follow it to the end and not be diverted from it for personal reasons.

It is, perhaps more than anything else, the arrest of time which has taken place in a completed work of art that gives certain plays their feeling of depth and significance.

There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.

The new kings of the world will live tranquilly for a long time, confining themselves to devouring each other and being parasites among each other on a cottage industry scale.